Joan Baez reveals what no one knew about her life: ‘It was devastating to share, but now I am at peace’
In a documentary, the veteran singer discloses that her father tortured her, that she began therapy at the age of 16, and that she became addicted to anxiolytics. ‘I am over 80 years old and wanted to leave something true,’ she tells EL PAÍS.
Joan Baez claims that her father abused her as a child. Joan Baez was nicknamed a “dumb Mexican” in school. Joan Baez began going to therapy when she was sixteen years old. Joan Baez was dependent on anxiolytics for eight years.
Joan Baez’s romance with Bob Dylan left her horrified. Joan Baez’s relationship with her sister Mimi, a fellow singer, was based on power and jealousy. Joan Baez dated a female companion for two years. Joan Baez struggled with Dissociative Identity Disorder, neuroses, and panic attacks for decades.
Joan Baez, 83, smiles when asked why she decided to disclose all of this knowledge with the world, which possibly even those closest to her were unaware of. “You know, I’m over 80 years old, and I wanted to leave something true. I handed over the keys to my privacy to Karen [O’Connor, filmmaker], and there was no turning back.
“If I urgently wanted to change something, I had already taken the decision and could not go back,” she tells EL PAÍS via video conference from her home in Los Angeles. The singer is discussing the documentary Joan Baez: I Am a Noise, which is a colorful trip through her life in which she gives everything, including the depths of her soul.
Baez speaks from her home’s living room, which features artwork and a fireplace. She wears spectacles, has short white hair, and a calm demeanor. She laughs at times and starts singing in Spanish, despite the fact that she does not speak the language. It’s apparent that disclosing her deepest secrets has taken a weight off her shoulders. “When the documentary ended, I watched it approximately ten times and felt nothing. Then I realized I was watching it to protect myself since there was so much pain and confession. So one day, I relaxed, made some popcorn, and got down to watch it. It was horrible, but now I’m at peace.”
Aside from the personal admissions, the documentary presents a panoramic picture of Baez’s massive cultural figure, with a six-decade career that elevated her to the status of grande dame of social folk and a key figure in 1960s counterculture. She was the first to give Bob Dylan a chance. If she hadn’t recognized the Blowin’ In The Wind singer’s skill, Dylan might have taken longer to achieve success.
“I attended Gerde’s Folk City in New York. Suddenly, a raggedy youngster appeared on stage and began reciting his lyrics. I was scared. His talent had me intoxicated like a narcotic. I would take him to concerts and invite him up, but people would boo him. I would urge, “Please listen to him.” “They quickly changed their minds,” she says.
Dylan and Baez made a very appealing duo. “He wanted a mother who could bathe him and sing him songs. And I needed to care for someone,” she explains. Their romance ended when Dylan, riding high on fame, came in London in 1965 and she decided to accompany him. “When Bobby became renowned, I believe he turned a new leaf and distanced himself from everyone. “It was a really abrupt transformation,” she describes in the documentary. “So many drugs and so much virility did not appeal to me. They were in another dimension, and I was the folk oddball that accompanied them. I had no place there. “It was terrible.”
Baez became famous instantly. She played in the Newport Folk Festival in 1959, when she was 18 years old. That’s when things changed. “For some reason, I had the perfect voice at the right time. And that shot me into the stratosphere,” she claims. Joan’s father, Albert Baez (an influential Mexican physicist who co-invented the X-ray microscope), instilled in her and her two sisters a strong sense of civic responsibility long ago. “My father took us to various places to show us that we were all equal. It made us consider the disparity between rich and poor.” Her Irish mother was an adamant pacifist. That was the origin of Baez’s civic involvement. The family of five were Quakers.
Already popular, Baez participated in all social movements. The documentary depicts her participating in marches alongside Martin Luther King, protesting the Vietnam War, and taking Black children to school while Ku Klux Klan members terrorized them. There are also heartfelt moments, such as when segregated, destitute Black moms embrace a young Baez for his bravery in their defense.
Meanwhile, the musician was dealing with psychological issues. When Joan, a teenager, went to see the first psychologist, her parents were warned: “Your daughter has severe emotional difficulties, feelings of inadequacy, and an inferiority complex. The symptoms could indicate a psychological or emotional problem.”
“We were all too wild to talk about mental health,” the artist admits now. During the 1960s, a number of events occurred, including Vietnam, the draft, and the fight for civil rights. The upside is that if you were a musician, you were busy all day. You didn’t have time for other activities.” In I Am a Noise, Baez discusses her “eternal sentence”: “I knew that after having a nice time, I would break down.” “And so on in an unending loop.” Although her illness has improved, she claims it continues to impair her.
Baez’s welcome and strong voice served as the soundtrack to civil rights marches and demonstrations in the 1960s. This soundtrack featured traditional songs like We Shall Overcome, Oh, Freedom, and All My Trials, as well as Dylan versions like A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall, When the Ship Comes In, and Blowin’ in the Wind. Baez knows that activism has become an addiction. She felt awful because she had no reason to defend. Then the Vietnam War ended. With that burden lifted, she released Diamonds and Rust, her best work, a non-political album, in 1975. The title track is a literary, sometimes caustic, sometimes loving exploration of her relationship with Dylan.
Baez admits today that she had made spiritual peace with Dylan after not communicating for “decades.” “I am not upset. I got the best of him. He gave us a lot through his songs. When I believed the evil had passed, I wrote him a letter. I told him, ‘Thank you for the 1960s and the music you wrote. I appreciate our relationship. “The only thing I feel right now is appreciation,” she explains. She is still awaiting a response. She’s four months older than him.
When the artist says she gave the documentary director the keys to her seclusion, she can mean it literally. Baez preserves hundreds of memorabilia in one room of her house, including cassette tapes containing voice recordings of the entire family’s therapy sessions. At the age of 50, the singer underwent a hypnosis session to preserve her memories. She did it in part because her sister Mimi told her that their father had assaulted her.
In 1991, Baez penned a critical letter to her parents, as seen in the documentary: “Dear mom and dad. The time has come to tell you the truth, something I have hesitated to do until now… She then accuses her father of abusing her. Albert, her father, defended himself: “There are numerous examples of psychiatrists reminding their patients of events that did not occur. “It’s known as false memory syndrome.” In the documentary, Baez responds: “You never know for sure, but that’s part of the recovery process. You don’t know what actually happened. But I have half a brain and realize that some things happened, others only partially, and some are conjectures. Even if 20% was genuine, it was enough to cause the destruction it did. I simply don’t have proof.”
The artist has forgiven her father, admitting that it was difficult and required time to do so. I recall taking him for a walk in a wheelchair when he was almost 90 years old. I don’t enjoy musicals, but he likes, so I remembered one, stood up in my chair, and performed it for him. I stated, “This is the best I can do right now.” I have a framed letter from him, written when he was very old. It reads: “It brightens my spirits when I meet you.” He didn’t say those wonderful things when he was younger, but as he grew older, he did. Only she remains from the five-member family portrait (parents and three daughters).
When asked how she overcame her eight-year addiction to anxiolytics, she responds with humour: “Actually, President Carter was responsible for my quitting. He outlawed those beautiful medications, and I couldn’t obtain them anywhere else, so I gave them up.
Baez, who battled so hard against injustice, now watches the world’s dangerous slide with sadness: “I believe no one could have written a better script about the advent of the new fascism.” We could never have predicted that that moron Trump, backed by supporters who must be even dumber than him, would ascend to power. I refer to it as an awful avalanche, and I attempt to avoid it by finding my bearings. One of the most important things for me is to feel at ease where I live. I’m referring to global warming. I glance out the window and can see and hear birds. Oh, two-thirds of the birds have gone. If I let that crush my heart, I will become paralyzed and unable to continue. So I go out into the field, sit down, and listen for a single bird. I’m not waiting for the entire chorus. It’s just one, but it’s stunning.”
Baez completed her final major tour in Spain in 2019, concluding with a lovely show in which she was accompanied on drums by her only son, Gabriel Harris, 54, born during her marriage to campaigner David Harris, who died in 2023. “I do not miss touring. I’ve accomplished a lot, and it’s exhausting. Since then, I’ve only been on stage to perform one or two songs. That’s enough.
She gets up early, makes her bed, works out (she appears to be in great shape), meditates, eats fresh eggs for breakfast from her own chickens, and begins work on a book of poetry that she plans to publish shortly. And she dances. She enjoys strolling alone in the countryside with her dog. She dances while listening to the Gipsy Kings through her headphones. Until a single songbird appears.
Leave a Reply